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Halalan na!

BLESSED be!

Chew the cud of that. Feel a humming thrum, a vibrant throb in bundled words that bring wonders. There’s magic in ‘em words of blessing.

Remember Jacob’s ruse we were told of in Sunday school? He got his ailing father’s blessings—just a clutch of mumbled words-- that were meant for the first-born brother Esau. Worded blessings were deemed as birthright for the eldest, how could shameless Jacob rob a sibling just like House of Rep denizens on a sally at the nation’s coffers for pork barrel chunks?

Spoken blessings must have been a big deal to ‘em both Israelites and Ismaelites.

One Dr. Masaru Emoto confirms the impact of blessings. He snapped photographs of polluted water with a dark-light microscope. A Buddhist monk pronounced blessings over the water sample—and voila! The messy, ugly molecules have turned into beautiful symmetric patterns.

Say, water makes up for about two-thirds of the human body. Blessings are likely to cause certain transformations in the body fluids. Changes like that are also likely to affect body parts and functions, probably good bowel movement, better vaginal lubrication or easy engorgement on the penile shaft for a more satisfying engagement. There’s really not much research done on these areas of interest.

We suspect the same changes are effected when livestock is rendered as hal’al or fit for human consumption. Praises and prayers to the Almighty are said before the animal is butchered, its blood spilt. The process is simply saying grace way ahead of turning the animal carcass into a meal.

Famished infidels and heathens may skip the saying of grace and just dig in, wolf down the dirt-cheap national food staple—a P5 packet of instant noodles in a bucket of kunsumisyon, ehek, we mean consommé.

We can never tell what’s with these starving populace these days as they lick their chops and drool over the Cha-cha dancing denizens of the House of Rep whose unappetizing ways are a tad reptilian.

For all we care, those famished millions might be working up an appetite and would soon render ‘em tough-to-digest Reptilian ways into something edible. The process is called hal’al.

The ensuing grim rigmarole is called halalan.

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