MANGKOKOLUM!

TATAKBO sa panguluhan ng Pambansang Samahang Pindot— National Press Club — si Amor Virata, negosyante’t naging isa noon sa mga pinangasiwaan kong peryodista. “Suportahan mo ba ‘ko?” untag niya. “Tagal mo namang nag-isip,” idinagdag nang kung ilang sandali rin akong tumitig lang sa kanya, inaarok ang kanyang pasya. Tanggapin natin na pulos sa tabloid na lang ang kasapian ng PSP—mas maganda tunog nito, mapaglalaruan, puwede maging kahulugan, “para sa pigsa”. Itinakwil na ng mga nasa broadsheet (babaeng may kumot) at magazine (sisidlan ng punglo, isinasalpak sa pistola o riple)… meron mang natiyanak mula radyo’t telebisyon, garapalang tabloid din ang diskarte nila sa peryodismo… gano’n ang bungad sa paliwanag. Ondoy sa Marso kapag nakatikim ng sahod ang nasa tabloid … ganito ang katotohanang umiiral na kailangang sikmurain. Matinding sakit sa ulo’t bulsa na masuba sa bayaran… mabukulan… kaya kahit hindi santo o demonyo, kailangang gumawa ng milagro’t pampatalino katumbas ng mahilab na

ON her death bed weeks before losing a bout against leukemia, my son Kukudyu told her about the premeditations of his old man to win a Nobel Prize, trying a slow lunge stab at any orb celestial from a crouch-or-crawl stance before whirling dervish leap off this garroted neck of the woods to take down boon or moon… Did he say Nobel Prize? Likely for Sliterature or Cliterature— kapwa hiwa , sax and violins, clit ‘n slit… No rest for such quixotic quest, Kukudyu assured his mom-in-law-to-be that his old geezer is so full of passions restless and renewed each day honing, plying his craft in a journey that matters more than destiny or destination. What a life! It is the struggle, not outcome nor income he grubs on in a workaday grind that can tire… and he’s one oddball who’d chew asphalt off a road to patch a flat tire and resume driving, he deadpanned. Uh, such alien life form could be haled in irons, straitjacket, or tender embrace for an earnest chat with prospective mom-in-law, if only

COURTESY is love in plain clothes, so sages say. As such, much apparel and appearance of doting are lavished on beloved honchos of Home Guaranty Corporation due for investigation by a panel of lawmakers from the House of Representatives— ay, due process isn’t justifiably rude to stage a bawdy burlesque or tawdry strip show for taxpayers who had been thoroughly screwed by HGC. Avert your gawking gaze at this solemn parade, more so those babes with cheeky innocence to spout, “But they haven’t a wee strip or flimsy thread of decency on!” Bagong Henerasyon party-list lawmaker Bernadette Herrera-Dy has neither love nor lust lost for those stuffed shirts plopped into high office. And taxpayers will likely agree that a public hearing is way too kind, why, they should be obscene and not heard. Take a peek to piss you off, doubting and peeping Thomases: “a 2.8-hectare stated-owned property in Vitas, Tondo, Manila, (HGC sold) to La Paz Milling Corp. for P384,715, 800 or around P13,000 per squar

IT was a pair of reconditioned trucks for hauling gravel that a billionaire-turned-lawmaker sunk into his lifetime savings that was to see him cross the Rubicon from hauler to real estate builder… and in the long haul, one of the nation’s most successful taipans. If such daring ventures were nipped in the bud, hundreds of thousands of jobs—and opportunities to kindle downstream and upstream start-ups-- would have been lost and the nation entire would have been poorer. Executive Order 887-A, a midnight directive fired June 3, 2010 like a torpedo to sink, yeah, to squash and crush the Pinoy spirit of enterprise serves such purpose… another show of mindless ruthlessness by the previous maladministration. So what if we’ve taken to hand-me-downs? Rather than blow a few hundreds more on school bags, shoes and articles of clothing for his schooling child, an astute mom opts to seek out the heaps of such used items in an ukay-ukay shop… savings can be used to buy a few more kilos of rice, thr

POLITICALLY correct idiom would be “throw one’s weight around.” The gangster parlance is “leaning”. Quietly giving the push, it often turns to shove on someone until it hurts, or bleeds so something’s got to give, usually pecuniary or anything coveted by the depraved. Criminals and politicos— often of the same stripe and belong to the same diatribe—resort to such vileness. They’ll pick on the vulnerable and the weak out of caprice or for the sheer fun and funds from bullying. Take the case of a real estate project in Quezon City. Hardly had the ground been turned when the Marikina government seems to have taken a keen interest in it. Local executives want to dip their fingers or claws, more likely get their beaks wet picking at the project. Alarums are raised, cackle and heckle plied out on how such an undertaking endangers the city due to supposed dumping on the Marikina River of soil dug off the project site. Marikina wants the project on dead halt. Their concern seems sane enough,

OUT-OF-THIS-THIRD-WORLD shrieks, wails, and screams smothered the surrounding air, thicker than tar-black smoke and vile as forked tongues of fire that lash-chewed at The Magus , a bookshop that once stood at a hotel-cum-restaurant (Aberdeen Court?) that has taken its place on Quezon Avenue in Quezon City, so an urban legend from the late 1960s goes. The Magus sold tomes and paraphernalia on voodoo, the eldritch and arcane, occult know-how, witchcraft, dark and bright magick. No bookshop ever again dared set foot, claw or tentacle on the strange path trod by The Magus … A sneeze across the avenue where the building that housed the erstwhile national headquarters of the leftist youth organization Kabataang Makabayan , we hang out nights with fellow newsmen Wilfrido Nolledo, Jarius Bondoc and Julius Fortuna nursing beers and post-mortems on the state of the nation back in the 1980s… musings sparked by the grime-and-dirt figure of a derelict who came out of his niche-dwelling above the s

FLESH can take tension a tad short of shearing. Then, it can take some more. A limit is breached—limits are likely there for breaching. Legal tender is less tensile—unlike flesh, there’s not much muscle fiber added in a regimen of repeated bundling and stretching to generate greater force. Relentless assault of market forces and quirks of the economy wear out currency’s buying power, always at the losing end in a contest of strength over the long haul. Goods in bed and services, for example… hilo na sa tama ng toma kaya inakalang P100 ang piraso ng papel na pakimkim sa kaharap sa isang hapag-tunggaan sa katimugan. Sumunod ang bata sa tinutuluyang hotel, disoras ng madaling araw… susuklian ang pakimkim na P1,000 pala ng konting pakamkam , camaraderie, in short. Malaking tulong raw ‘yon sa paglalakad ng papeles… palipat-lipat lang tuwing ikalimang buwan ang pamamasukan sa Gaisano at SM … Kontratadong dispatsadora . And in that stretch of time called “funemployment” between getting fi

LUMUTANG sa inuman na walo ang kanyang puwesto sa palengke-- nagtitinda ng mga kasangkapan sa bahay. Tumatakbo siyang punong barangay. Tiyak na daw ang panalo: 200 ang kukuning bantay sa bilangan, 200 bantay sa presinto, at 50 tagaluto ng pagkain para sa mga dadagsa sa kanyang bahay. Tinuos ang gastos—tig-P200 daw bawat bantay na papatak sa P80,000. Hahakot daw ng kahit tatlong boto ang bawat bantay, 400 x 3 kaya kokopo ng 1,200 ulo sa barangay na may 2,000 botante… idagdag pa sa bilangan ang makukuhang 150 ng mga tagaluto. Kailangan lang na pasayahin ang 10 araw na kampanya-- bumaha sa taltalan, pulutan at hinebra, sabaw at sarsa, banda at parada… Napasabak ng tagay doon, nasasaan… nabiling, nahimasmasan… at ipinasyang huwag na lang makigulo pa sa singaw ng halalan ngayong Oktubre 25 kahit sa sariling barangay sa San Jose del Monte, Bulacan. Naging kapingkian ng bisig ang yumaong Ernesto Ortega—nag-aral ng iaido o iglap na igkas-tarak ng patalim, sumikat sa pelikula—na matagal ding n

WELL hung over from a previous night’s binge on gin chased with sips of soup… still cranky from a mere three hours dreamless sleep, I was pried off bed with a crowbar then sent off at dawn on a Manila-bound bus to gather wits for a 10 o’clock meet. Steeped through traffic, the full brunt of what it means to get forty winks sinks into the brain… the sanctimonious sermonizing by a highly paid broadcaster-news reader gets into your nerves, why can’t they bring back a Harry Gasser, anyone whose tenor soothes and mesmerizes… ah, here’s a flat razor slash at your carotid, femoral and brachial arteries, you diabetic donkey. Still simmering in traffic an hour before the meet, word gets to you the meeting is cancelled… Swedish researchers found out that people who score high on intelligence tests are also good at keeping time… aah, accurate timing plus competence in reasoning and problem solving go hand in glove… So here’s to a more considerate, thoughtful sense of timing. There’s sanity, sense

LEEG na niya ang mapipitpit, kaya yata tumuga si Chavit Singson—itinimbog sa taumbayan na binabagsakan ng milyones mula jueteng ang kanyang katotong Erap. At siya mismo ang nagbabagsak. Bagsak ang Erap pero itinayo nga ng Gloria. Na binakbak pa ang parusang bitay sa pandarambong ng P50 milyon— parang pulis na “ to protect and serve ” ang gawa kaya lusot sila pareho sa bitayan. Hindi yata maglalabasan ng baho’t sansang kung hindi nagsabwatan ang mga pagkakataon upang masangkalan ang leeg ni Chavit… so he sang . Ganoon din ang tono sa kanta ni Tibo Mijares. Mas matindi ‘yung mga kawal na ginawang utusan lang noon… walang tumuga kung sino ang bumaril kay Ninoy, walang nagtimbog kung sino ang nag-utos sa kanila. Tindi rin ni Mulong Neri kahit sa mga kamay niya dumaan ang kontrata sa AB-ZTE-FG… hindi rin tumuga. Sintindi niya sina Joc-joc Bolante’t Hello Garci… omerta eh. Now, you know what I’m driving—neither a backhoe nor a hearse , Dennis-

“An elastic body stretches proportionally to the strain.” LUMULUWAG din sa tagal ng pitas, pitik, kadlit o kalabit ang mga bagting ng gitara… hihigpitan para makuha ang wastong tunog… matagalang tugtugan muli… luluwag, mawawala sa tono… hihigpitan… sa katagalan o nasobrahan sa banat, tuluyang bibigay ang kuwerdas… paigkas na lalagitik. Lagot. Nalagot man, nakatugtog naman. Talagang tunog ng tugtog ang lalabas kapag sinisikil pahigpit nang pahigpit ang kuwerdas hanggang taginting ng pahimakas. Natigok man ang buriko, tone-tonelada naman ang inihatid na kargo. Kahit kutyain pa—pero ginawang halimbawa sa salawikain sa pamatay na tangkay ng damo, inabuso-sa-trabahong buriko, saka manhid at walang pakundangang amo. Buri kong sabyan: natikman din ng kawal na naging gobernador ng isang lalawigan sa Cagayan Valley na dagsain sa araw-araw ng mahigit 30 taong pinamumunuan… bawat isa’y kalabit-penge… kailangan ng salapi para tugunan ang kani-kanilang hinagpis, dusa at penitensiya na maisasahog na

MAGTALISUYONG sunbird at pulangga ( yellow-vented bulbul ) ang magkasunod na sumulpot sa dawag ng sipit-banagan sa aming halamanan… signos yata ng tila paurong na usad ng lagalag na Venus sa Scorpio simula Oktubre 8 hanggang Nobyembre 18… aba’y 40 araw na udyok para maglimi ukol sa mga kaliyag, kaliyab, kasuyo, kasabwat, katoto, at iba pang kaniig sa buhay. Nanunudyo ang dalawang sunbird — mataginting na sweet, sweet, sweet ang kagyat na bati pagkadapo sa nakalaylay na bulaklak ng sipit-banagan… sisimsim sila ng nektar, saka aalis. Pakitang-gilas lang ang magkabiyak na pulangga, wala silang malalantakan na anumang bungang-kahoy sa aming pananim… baka nga nagsaboy lang ng kamandag o mga punit na gunita— ilan bang inakay at inahing pulangga ang napilas ang katawan sa saltik ko noon? Paslang na ang inakay na pulangga’t lugmok sa lupa, pero hindi tatantanan ng kasamang ina o ama, aali-aligid na humihikbi… kasama siya ng kanyang inakay na mamamatay. ‘Tindi ng nurturing instinct ng ina at

“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” Albert Einstein HINDI magsasawa sa kahit iisang tanawin kung laging sariwa ang pananaw… kaya hindi kailangang maghagilap ng iba’t ibang tanawin sa kung saan-saang lupain. Kasi, sa pananaw ng tumatanaw nalalantad ang kariktan ng tanawin. Say, always see the wife in a new light as a different woman each day… and you’ll enjoy 365 different women in a year, so said a devout Sufi sage… ah, her luscious lushness is wrapped in about 3,000 square inches of skin that can be explored in earnest with touch, tongue, and time. Hindi man maangkin, hinahagod, hinihimod ng tingin ang dilag… gano’n din sana sa latag ng lunan, masuyo at masuyod na pagtuklas. Parang pintor na Paul Cezanne na araw-araw sa kung ilang taon na binalik-balikan ang iisang puno sa iisang lunan, iginuhit na paulit-ulit… at ang mga iginuhit na larawan ay lumabas na magkakaiba ang katangian—walang magkatulad. Paran

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son…” John 3:16 CONTRACEPTION is not abortion. A stitch in time saves nine months, huh? Ye olde shoppe, so we can glean from the interview transcript ran by a broadsheet, equates abortion with contraception. In his opinion, anyone giving out contraceptives is an accessory to abortion—an act deserving excommunication. Certain conditions have to be fulfilled before the infidel is shooed out for good. Hindi naman aangas ang mga puno ng papaya… matindi ang taglay nitong enzymes, lumalantak sa laman para mahimay ang mga himaymay. Sanlinggong todo-lantak ng pulos hilaw na papaya—sawsaw sa suka’t asin para makain-- ang kahit tatlong buwan nang buntis, laglag ang nabubuong sanggol. Tiyak na tanggal sa pagiging kabilang sa Simbahan ang papaya, mapipilitan na sayote o upo na lang ang ilalahok sa tinolang manok na kinagigiliwan ni Congressmanny Pacquiao. Tapos ang negosyo sa atsarang papaya ng mga taga-San Miguel de Mayumo. Delikado rin a

SECOND round ng pakikipagbuno ng apong Musa sa dengue , nakaratay sa ospital, baka abutin ng sanlinggo bago maigupo ang sakit… nasagap sa Guiguinto, Bulacan sa pamilihan ng mga pananim. Silver dollar tree or Eucalyptus cinerea sana ang nahagilap doon o kahit sa pinuntahan nilang lupalop sa Benguet, do’n ako nakasumpong ng naturang munting puno… P150 santangkay sa bagsakan ng mga bulaklak sa paanan ng tulay ng Dimasalang sa Sampaloc… may hibo ng pilak ang mga hugis-bilog na dahon, pampasuwerte sa daloy ng salapi sa pamamahay kapag nakatanim sa gawing silangan o timog-silangan… Pero mahirap patubuin, kailangan ng rooting hormone para mag-ugat. Pananim na angkat mula Australia, balwarte ng katoto at katunggaang Carl Wilson, isa sa mga dating kabise ng sangay sa bansa ng Agence France Presse . May kakatwang halimuyak na nagtataboy ng mga kulisap, lalo sa lamok… na sanhi ng karamdaman ng apo… …na kung kabilang sa mga kabataang peryodista na nabibigyan ko ng panayam, tiyak na masasagot