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Alay sa anito


NAG-ALAY ng sangkurot na tabako— itinaktak ang mga giniling na dahon mula Philip Morris 100s at Marlboro Black—sa paanan ng lalaking bignay sa kanang bahagi ng aming pintuan… matingkad na pula, tila dugo ang kulay ng magulang na dahon niyon… promotes good blood flow to the body’s nether member for engorgement, a necessity for engagement under prevailing bed weather conditions.

The bright leaf offerings were done on No Tobacco Day on June 1… tobacco offerings to guardian spirits and deities that hang out in certain trees and plants are done on that special day to bring peace and prosperity to the household, so I learned.

Hindi na naidamay sa sagradong alay sa mga batlaya’t anito si Noynoy Aquino… tila dahong nalalagas na ang buhok niya… nakalitaw na ang anit kaya sinumang papansin sa kanyang ulo, masasambit na “Anit, o!”

Kung nagagawang mag-alay ng Philip Morris 100s at Marlboro Black sa mga anito, sa kanya pa kayang litaw na litaw ang “Anit, o?”

Mga brujo at curandera, thaumaturgists, wonder workers, shamans, mga mumbaki… those of their kind are in on this quaint practice… tobacco isn’t for general patronage and consumption.

It’s an infantile fixation, this loathsome vice of tobacco use… so resonant of the action taken by Hindu deity Shiva who had to suck in toxic fumes set off during, as Vedic texts have it, the creation of the universe. To keep the milk of the cosmos sweet and pure and flowing for the elect of humanity, Shiva sucked the poisons and kept that stored at his throat… his entire body turned blue… Shiva Nilakantha, that’s one of the names the deity is called, one who beautifully sings the blues, each liquid note rendered gold as it passes his toxin-throttled throat.

So infantile and unweaned, smokers are the sort of people who can’t let go of mom’s fondled mammary and fond memory. Sa halip na sumupsop sa utong na bubulwakan ng mainit-init na gata’t gatas, malululong sa paghitit-buga ng usok as substitute for milk… you see, co-dairy mates… you could never outgrow your need for milk?

The late guru of wing chun kung fu, reed-thin Yip Man who could walk on eggs without breaking them but who could really kick ass and smash balls in close quarters combat? He’s a smoker.

Ho Chi Minh, the poet-ideologue Vietcong warrior? Tindi rin sa yosi.

Adolph Hitler who burned some six million Jews in a smoking spree called the Holocaust? Sa yosi siya’y nandidiri.

“Oh, dearie…” Ganoon naman ang madalas marinig sa liyag na kaliyab sa pagsasalo sa apoy… parang sinisindihan talaga’ng pakiramdam habang ako’y tinatabako, mwa-ha-ha-haw!

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