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Clownselors of state

TATALAKAYIN daw sa binuong council of state—hayan tiyak na walang kokontra sa pagbaybay na hindi ginamitan ng Das Kapital letters para hindi masabing may kulay na pasaway – ang hilahod na kalagayan ng bansa.

Pananaw ng mga nakaluklok sa Malakanyang at samut-saring kabig nito ang inaasahang lulutang sa naturang kapulungan.

Sampisa lang o birds of a feather kasi sila. Iisa ang kulay, pagaspas at tabas ng pakpek, este, pekpak. Magkakatulad din ng paraan sa paglipad at salipadpad.

Ni hindi nahirang na salimpusa ang, halimbawa lang, si Mang Pandoy na itinampok sa panahon ni Tabako. O ang mga batang nagpatianod ng mga bangkang papel na nakarating hanggang sa pampang ng Malakanyang. O kahit si Honest Tinay, Jojo Acuin, Madam Auring, Madam Bola, Enteng Kabisote pati si Darna’t Captain Barbell, Archbishop Oscar Cruz, Eli Soriano, Sex Bomb Dancers, Kitchie Nadal.

Skip any Iron Chef or my huge crush Heny Sison but include that great gastronome Dr. Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter—he may cook a smorgasbord out of ‘em councilors of state, eh? Isali sina Sadako, Bob Ong ng bobongpinoy.com, idamay si Tony Kwok at Bong Pineda. And may I nominate the barber who does my hair and Ahriman the demonic deity who presided over the Holocaust?

Of course, we have missed a ton or two of names that have stirred a ripple, pimple or nipple throughout our beloved land. They belong to that gathering of minds and puttering down of behinds to thresh out any two-bit solution to whatever bedevils the nation.

Yes, we know beforehand that too many crooks, er, cooks spill the broth.
Kaya nga nagkakatimbugan-singawan ng samut-saring alingasngas—mula “Hello, Garci,” kurakot mula jueteng hanggang sa halos sambilyon pisong kinulimbat mula sa abono para laspagin sa halalan. Alam naman ng balana na dadanak lang ang laway sa naturang kapulungan. Alam na rin na walang latoy na telenovela ang magiging daloy ng pangyayari sa ganoong pagtitipon.

Kaya nga nagmumungkahi na tayo ng mahirap maapuhap na mga pananaw at kakaibang gawi’t pamamaraan sa kanilang pamumuhay. Baka sakali lang na may mahubog na out-of-the-box solutions. Baka sakalin din ang hininga’t bulsa ng taumbayan.

Baka maging tila telepantasya ang ikid ng magaganap sa kapulungan. Masaya kung ganoon. How we love fantasy and whimsicality—it nudges the mind off its rut, allows the eyes to see matters at the wrong end of a sniper’s rifle or maybe the nuzzle of cannon.

When bread is much too pricey, we’d like to have circuses.

What did that P. T. Barnum circus guy had to say about our population explosion?


Habang naghihintay sa anumang masasagap na malita, dalita at balita mula sa naturang kapulungan, makapagsinop muna't mapagyaman ang kapirasong hardin sa pamamahay. Production-led growth ang kinauuwian nito sa dami ng gulay at halamang ornamental. Pinakapayak na paraan ito para masinop at mapagyaman ang kapirasong lupa na saklaw pa rin ng mas malawak na lupain.

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