MANGKOKOLUM!

MATAGAL ding kinimkim sa puson ang naghuhuramentadong pagnanasa kay Merle Fernandez sapul masilayan ang kanyang nakatiwangwang na alindog— that doesn’t translate as clueless dog in rear entry coition —sa pelikulang Uhaw mula panulat ni Mars Ravelo. Hangad po ng pitak na ito ng sandamakmak ding bihis at paulit-ulit na gayak sa naturang katha kaysa walang latoy na pakikipagsapalaran ni Darna . Mas likas at kapani-paniwala kasi ang pakikipagdaupang-ari kaysa mahirap paniwalaang pakikipagsapalaran na tinambakang tila Payatas ng sangkaterbang computer generated images . Palaging hinihimod ng tingin maging sa bumabahang panaginip— read: downpouring wet dream -- ang mga burol, parang, singit at sulok ng hubad na lunan ng katawang inangkin na sa isipan, naging bahagi ng marikit na dekadang 1970. Ginagamit nga pala ang katagang ‘marikit’ kaugnay ng pagpapaliyab sa siga, pagsisindi ng apoy sa pagluluto. May pahiwatig ng pagliliwanag at paliwanag sa karimlan. May pagpukaw sa init at alinsangan. ...

ELY S. Lopez the late broadcaster would have reveled and rollicked in song at the current antics of Malacañang denizens, he’d probably be laughing all the way to a calaboose for having wicked fun at their expense. An off-key soap opera soprano, Lopez would have cackled out tunes with barbed lyrics often lashed like a manta tail to torment an asuwang , to discomfit the current Palace top tenant. He’d rebel? Nope, he would have revelled at the discomfort he causes to Ale Baba and Plenty Thieves. “ Sa Russia may Moscow. Sa China may Macau. Sa Pilipinas marami magnanakaw ,” he’d intone and cap it off with a villainous chuckle. He’d likely wonder aloud why it is taking ages for the Supreme Court to ply out a ruling on various challenges hurled at such unpalatable figures as 464 and 1017—the former sewed off shut the mouths of any government factotum or official haled to public hearings, the latter declared a state of national emergency after an alleged emergency. Such a state or statement o...

Refreshing whinny HOW refreshing, the whinny of a packhorse unloaded of everything! Nearly 7 of every 10 Filipinos, a recent Pulse Asia survey found out, want the foremost Malacañang tenant to quit. The survey findings didn’t exactly say that three per 10 want her to stick it out, probably like the proverbial sore thumb. Survey findings represent a prevailing mood, a sinking feeling, maybe a cross-eyed perspective of a cross-section of the Filipino populace— a mere 1,200 survey respondents out of a teeming 85 million. Malacañang can totally ignore or twit these surveys. Even throw out the counsel of that ancient war strategist Sima on what it takes to be a sound leader— “it’s about listening to a multitude of voices across the land.” Maybe, just maybe, voices across the land can be sounded out through surveys. Palace denizens need not lend an ear to such a tumult. Why, after hearing an earful of the infamous “Hello Garci” chit-chat which isn’t admissible as court evidence, it has be...

LUMABAY lang ang mga sanga ng nag-iisang puno ng talong matapos ang kahitikan ng pamumunga. Bago nito lubusang maliliman ang sampilas na banig ng humahalimuyak na kintsay. Lubusan ding nakinabang sa kintsay na laging kalahok sa lomi’t pancit guisado. Madalas pa ngang maawitan ni Mrs. Silvia P. Quirino ng Ginebra San Miguel ang mga naturang kintsay-- pangunahing sangkap naman sa isang lutuing Hunan o Szechuan yata na tampok ang tofu o bean curd . Karaniwan nang may lima o anim na bunga ang punong talong. Labis na sa amin ang ganoong dami. Mahilab kasi sa sukat: dalawang dangkal ang karaniwang haba, truncheon ang taba— sabihin man sa Italy na poor man’s meat ang talong, talagang magsasawa rin sa paulit-ulit na pagsulpot nito sa hapag kainan. Talagang kikiliti sa pihikang panlasa ang lutuin mula Armenia at Greece, ang moussaka —sapin-saping sinibak na talong, keso, at giniling na karne ng kordero, butter, aciete de oliva , at samut-saring rekado’t pampalasa na niluto ng 35-40 minuto sa ...

GAWK up there and see. See two heavenly bodies seem to be on a retreat—quicksilver Mercury and jovial Jupiter. Mercury’s pullback move on March 3 can cause communications, floppy disks and commutes to go awry until the 25th and until then we’ll likely be missing some quick thinking, wit, iron-clad logic and sane reasoning. Jupiter’s backing up that began March 5 lasts a mere four months—we’ll sure miss the energies that bring good luck, higher learning, and great wealth. The biggest planet rules expansion, leaders and finances. Never mind if those leaders go into pratfalls and pitfalls during a backward Jupiter, which also rules thinkers— the Department of Justice top honcho did say his men are still keeping tabs on media people who won’t pull their punches at Palace denizens, did he not? Credit such lapse on whatever Mercury and Jupiter rules to both planets’ backward move. We’d opt for that view. It’s impolite to say there can be senile consistency to lapses in mental synapses. Let’s...

ONLY six out of every 1,000 elementary school graduates are prepared to enter high school. That sad fact surfaced in the 2004 High School Readiness Test plied by the Department of Education. We’re keeping our fingers crossed that those numbers might turn up less bleak this time. On March 9 and 15, nearly three million first and second year public high school students nationwide will troop to test centers for DepEd assessment tests to gauge their competencies. Thank goodness, test results won’t reflect in the students’ grades. Per capita spending for education is placed at P7,700 per student each year compared to, say, New Zealand or the US of A which spends the equivalent of P125,500 per student/year. In 2004, Sen. Manuel B. Villar, Jr. cited that the Philippines “allots only 3.2% of its gross domestic product for education. It is the third lowest compared to other Asian countries: Malaysia 7.9%, Thailand 5%, Hong Kong 4.1%, Japan 3.6%, China 2.2% and Indonesia 1.3%. “Even as a perce...

WHEN the nation’s top cop hurled a threat to take over the operations of newspapers that won’t bow-wow-wow to government standards of reportage during a national emergency, a lot of grizzled editors wished that he made good his threats. Why, we and readers at large could use some of the flinty operatives in the force—preferably those fully versed in tactical interrogation and extracting confessions from felons—to break news from certain beats. We expect ‘em tough cops to bring gung-ho freshness, maybe a few gallons of raw blood to reportage. Readers can expect the more ruthless cops to turn up more sense and sanity in, say, entertainment news. Let ‘em cops grill those stars and celebrities, sock ‘em with tough and gritty questions—enough of lies and nonsense that clutter a lot of entertainment news. “Sa presinto ka na lang magpaliwanag!” Isn’t that refreshing to hear as a star is handcuffed and hauled off for an interview? Boy, we’d like ‘em cops versed in tactical interrogation to ha...