MANGKOKOLUM!

AS a relic of current history, the “Hello, Garci” chit-chat won’t ever make it as valid proof in any Philippine court, so sage lawyers have reminded the nation. In response, a firebrand butcher from William Shakespeare’s Henry VI also offer an impolite albeit impulsive counsel: “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” We’re not taking any of these two cents. We’re smack flat with “People Power” fatigue and we don’t give a fart if the Malacañang occupant is president or resident. We’ve heard the “Hello, Garci” dialogue over and over. We’ve grown numb from an earful like that. Kailangan pa bang i- memorize ‘yan? “Hello, Garci” has evolved into a ring tone for cell phones. The ring tone has traveled abroad and, despite the catcalls, sneers and jeers that greeted this splatter of dialogue, it went on to become a global smash hit. Proudly Philippine-made! We’re also struck flat with “Hello, Garci” fatigue now. Garci’s chat-mate in that chit-chat admitted it was ...

IT WAS an idea for murder whose time has come. And none suspected the worse until the mangled bodies turned up in the streets, cold and dead. Nobody guessed a game of sorts was afoot. And the sordid game’s a reality TV show plied out from country in a universe parallel to ours. State-of-the-art surveillance equipment and cameras with ultra-high resolution of images had been fitted in several government offices. Those gadgets (each no bigger than a microdot using nanotechnology) allowed millions of viewers to witness whatever passes off as high drama, low comedy, even luscious pornography in government service. The show was tabbed “S/Takeout.” Its concept was murderously brilliant. Initially, viewers do a stakeout on culprits. Then, they take ‘em culprits out. Poor, unsuspecting rank-and-file denizens of government offices just won’t know what would hit ‘em. The populace of this dimension was simply stumped, a lot horrified as civil servants and their circle of cronies an...

DALAWANG taon na'ng nakalipas nang masulat ko 'to. An'daling pihitin ng daloy at ligwak ng pangyayari para maging kuwento-- na maipapalimbag sa nalalabing lingguhang babasahin na naglalabas pa ng prosa-- walang 5,000 na ang national circulation nito-- at mababayaran ng P300 na kakaltasin ang 10%. Tumataginting na P270 ang sasalampak sa palad! Maglilimi. Magtutuos. P325 ang umiiral na pinakamababang arawang bayad sa karaniwang obrero't kawani sa Metro Manila. P280 ang national average daily minimum wage . Titimbangin at matamang sisipatin ang P270 at P280 saka uusal ng 'sangkatagang taimtim na dasal. Hindot! MATAPOS tumanggap kamakalawa ng dalawang bulig mula pangkokolum, nahagilap agad ng aking unica hija -- nilambing ang aking bulsa. Pigtas ang sambulig nang salidahin ako sa aking tanggapan. Nahagip din agad ng isa pang bata, 21 anyos rin tulad ng aking si Podying. Iisang petsa pa nga ang kanilang kaarawan-- Abril 15, 1982. Sa Quezon City Medical Center isinilang ...

KALAHOK sa lugaw na buto-buto’t durog na mais (naglalaro sa P18 hanggang P20 ang kilo) ang kung ilang dakot ng balatong aso’t ulasimang aso. Para sagana sa hibla o fiber ang pagkain ng aming mga aso-- potsotsoy ang naging term of endearment namin sa mga damuho. Lumilitaw na panlaban yata sa Alzheimer’s disease ang ulasimang aso. Panghasa daw sa mapurol o pulpol nang utak. Pampatalino raw. Pampa-----tuliro? Kinukutuban na akong baka sa aso tahasang tumatalab ang bisa ng ulasimang aso. Delikado ito: mahirap mag-alaga ng gifted canine sa panahong ito’t baka maisuplong pa ako ng mga kumag sa pag-iingat ng weapons of mass destruction , pakikipaghuntahan sa mga mikrobyo, pagbigkas ng mga ipinagbabawal na oraciones mula sa mga aklat na itim… Huwag naman silang magkakamali. Baka ito na ang simula ng bagong pangkatin ng Dominicans —sila ang kapural ng matinong irrigation system sa bansa, nagtatag din ng pinakamatandang pamantasan sa Pilipinas. Magugunita ang katuturan ng Dominicans—...