MANGKOKOLUM!

BALIK-TANAW: Humingi ng saklolo si Rodolfo Noel “JLo” Lozada Jr. sa kanyang hepe sa Department of Environment and Natural Resources, kay Secretary Lito Atienza para makaiwas-pusoy ang una sa pagdinig ng Senado ukol sa maalingasaw na transaksiyong ZTE-NBN—nahirang ng NEDA ang JLo bilang technical consultant sa semplang nang proyekto. Pangulo din noon si JLo ng Philippine Forest Corporation. Na saklaw ng DENR, kaya talagang kay Lito Atienza unang dudulog ang Lozada para maghinga ng mga problema—kung baga sa militar, ugnayan ng commanding officer at field operative , isasaalang-alang ng pinuno ang kaligtasan ng kanyang tauhan sa larangan, saanmang laban… Kay Atienza isinumbong ni JLo na maraming nagbabanta sa kanyang buhay—kinakabahan na siya. Pinayuhan ang huli na magtungo sa Hong Kong saka tumuloy sa isang pandaigdigang pulong sa London habang naghahanda ng mga hakbang para mapangalagaan ang kaligtasan ng JLo. (Teka muna, hapit na kapit at katakam-takam-takam-takam, tambok talaga tumb...

A LAHOY! Alahoy! Narito na naman Ang Sisong Kantanod ay ating binuhay Taludtod ay uyam at kagat ng guyam Igkas na bibigkas ng katagang punyal. Maiksi ang kumot—dapat mamaluktot. Sawikain nating hindi sinusundot… Nakup, nagkamali… hindi nasusunod Kaya kalagayan: nagkahindut-hindot! Baka raw umabot sa one trillion dollars Itong gagastusin upang makaiwas Sa tuluyang meltdown of the banking system Nitong sumambulat iyang Lehman Brothers… So plunk down good monies to chase those that went bad Upang manumbalik ang tikas at tatag Pati kabuhayan muling mamayagpag Kaya pakanang Bush dapat daw ilatag. Pero teka muna… nakakapagduda Itong ilalargang planong salbabida. Dagdag na pabigat—uutang pa pala Dambuhalang utang lalong aalagwa! Indeed, a little leak can sink a giant ship Kapag lumubog na’y kayhirap masagip Sa banging malalim naman ibubulid Those U.S. taxpayers , sila ang sasabit. Tonto at Loan Ranger itong Amerika Ay, utang na nila, doon nabihasa Kaya nang bumagsak lalong nataranta Lubog na...

Y OU can read this, chew through the core of every word, and grasp what’s written, consider yourself blessed. You took choices that accrued some pluck and lots of luck. You just don’t survive—you thrive. Millions of others aren’t so lucky: 11 million amongst us are left crawling in the dust, hardly knowing what horrible twist and turn may happen in their lives. In today’s knowledge-driven economies in which skills and competencies translate to higher per capita earnings, those millions are virtual lepers. The lepers multiply like a contagion. The disease neither abates nor ceases. We may mourn and weep: “11 million Filipinos lack the required literacy skills to provide livelihood for themselves and their families now and in the future, according to the Department of Education (DepEd).” The findings were gleaned from a 2003 study—that means such millions swelled some more in numbers, the pestilence still spreads, more likely in quantum progression—and who can prevent them from, say, vot...

Kalam-sikmura ng anak sa doodles11006@yahoo.com: G OT the surprise of my life when this creature came up at my worksite. The ever inquisitive prick I am I went to pick it up-- ha-ha-ha… a hedgehog... it’s now under the care of a Malaysian colleague since I couldn’t watch it as constantly as I can... it’s named Sonic after Sonic the Hedgehog.... it’s still in its adolescent stage I think and it’s pretty defensive with small grunts but he's cute...looks like a rat that had overgrown hairs sticking out of it.... at least this one gazes at me it will be more acceptable rather than that poor excuse of a falcon who mocked me way, way back. Ramadan has officially started here...and I am having a hard time trying to keep up with not eating for nearly an hour, let alone a few more hours to say the least; I need to store up fats, winter months are coming up again so I’ll be bloated again… sarap kumain ‘pag malamig kasi so for sure mas lalong magiging kamukha ko si Bonyat.. Oh and I have me...

S INIMULAN na ang pagwasak sa mga illegal fish pens at fish cages – pawang mga rehas sa tubig—na nakaharang sa bahaging Cavite ng Manila Bay. “Higit na may karapatan sa likas-yaman ng Manila Bay ang mga maliit na mangingisda kaysa mga may-ari ng mga illegal na baklad na pawang nagpapasasa sa salapi at ni hindi mga taga-Cavite,” diin ni Environment and Natural Resources Secretary Lito Atienza nang pamunuan niya ang pagwasak sa mga baklad sa 180,000-ektaryang lawak ng Manila Bay. Saksi si Cavite Gov. Ayong Maliksi at mga 150 mangingisda nang simulan ang pagbuwag nitong Agosto 27. Tinukoy ni Atienza na kabilang ang mga illegal na baklad sa mga pangunahing sanhi sa kabiguan ng pamahalaan upang maisulong ang malawakang pagsisinop sa Manila Bay. Hindi pa rin nakakatupad sa itinakda ng kanilang kontrata ang Maynilad at Manila Water—hindi pa nakakapagpagawa ng sewage treatment facilities kaya nagiging tambakan pa rin ng katas-pozo negro ang Manila Bay. Pahayag ni Atienza: “ This demolition ...

K UNG lumagpas na sa katakam-takam na edad… 69… at ang tumitigas na lang ay mga kasu-kasuan… far over the hill to go scuba diving more or less at a depth luscious and lush between two feet of a dilag, este, sa maalat-alat, umaalon-alon at maginaw na dug-out, whoopsydaisy , dagat nga pala… kailangan nang ibuhos ang loob—dahil nga hindi na makapagbalik-loob ni maibandila sa taglay na tagdan ang pagbabalik-loob sa yungib na pinagmulan—todo-buhos ang loob sa pagtuklas ng kaalaman mula Lumang Tipan! Go bury yourself between the pages … titigilan, huhumpayan na ‘yang mga pakikilala, pakikiliti’t pakikilibing… because there’ll be meatier morsels of canned thoughts in the Scriptures. Seek like a heat-seeking missile does and it’ll be a blast. Malakas ang kutob kong natuklasan ni Lola Berta ang nakalahad na lihim sa Lumang Tipan ukol sa pagpapanumbalik ng sigla ng katawan kahit lagpas na sa edad-69… umabot nga si Lola Berta sa 120 taon, nasilayan pa ang pagsibol ng ilan sa kanyang mga apo sa t...

T HERE was one instance in our Sierra Madre forays when we forgot to bring a pot, we had to cook (1) KANIN or boiled rice in bamboo sections— combine one part rice to one part plus a teaspoon water for soft, fluffy cooked grains—broiled over embers. Water boils quickly at higher elevations due to lesser pressure, kanin sa kawayan done in about 15 minutes. After that, it became convenient for the kids—I have four of them-- not to bring a rice pot in a cookout cum tree planting incursions in the mountains or anywhere in the outdoors where bamboo thrives. These easy-to-cook recipes can be duplicated in any kitchen, less the fun of bonding and actually doing it together as a learning activity. Let’s give you a mountaineer’s sense of (2) HUMMUS : Broil six medium-sized eggplants over live coals until done. Peel out skins. In a bowl, mash eggplant pulp with two cups boiled garbanzos or chickpeas. Season this chunky yet creamy mush with salt, pepper, and minced garlic. Add chopped tips of r...

S WARTHY-LOOKING cuddly ball of fun and sun, 4-year old toddler Clarence Day Tog-aco of Puguis-- a village in the upper rim overlooking Trinidad Valley in the Benguet part of the Cordilleras-- polishes off everything his mom offers him. Boiled chunks of sayote, kamote or gabi; fistfuls of parboiled crisp watercress; sticks of carrots, mustard or radish raw and crunchy; helpings of steamed saluyot tops; a leg of chicken pinikpikan ; a wee tidbit of hearth-smoked pork called inasin ; floret after floret of broccoli, mostly greens that most kids his age would squirm at, push away or refuse to sink their teeth on. His mom confesses to a fondness for such humble fare. She has passed on that food fondness to her son, likely in keeping with the counsel of Israel’s King Solomon, “Teach a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Compared to children in other parts of the country, one among five kids in the mountainous Cordillera region—the highest consum...

M ALAYONG makagawiang gamitin ang binabagong sagisag sa piso. Php—parang “pahipo” ang katumbas kapag binuo, para bang napakailap na’t iglap na umiigkas, talilis palayo na parang nagulantang na bayawak, parang nagsusungit na’t ayaw magagap ni mahigpit na mahawak… ano bang pasintabi pa sa paghipo? Sunggab at masuyong lamutak agad… isagad. Mas humihimas sa puso ang nakagawiang sagisag: titik P na tinuhog sa gitna ng dalawang guhit… kahit na katunog ng pussy kapag binali-baligtad ang piso, higit na maginhawa’t umaantig-umuuntag-umuuntog o kikiliti—sige, ipagdiinan ang unang dalawang pantig sa “kikiliti”--sa pakiramdam ang tinuhog na titik P, lalo na’t masusulyapan, buong banayad at hinay na babasahin ang makahulugang isinasaad sa kumakalat na kamiseta, “malaki ang titikO.” Pero lupaypay na pahapay ang Php—sinakmal sa pangil ng inflation. Kung ihahambing sa timbang ng isasabong sa ruweda, kinaltasan pa ng 11.4 libra ang 100. Ano’ng panama ng Manny Pacquiao na titimbang muna bago sumagupa s...

W OOZY and a bit crazy from having a beer too many, I spat the question to Dennis Fetalino: “What’s a 75-year old man who has 10 kids doing on the roof? Flying a kite? Kids nowadays don’t know a rat’s ass about flying kites or frying pans or do they?” My beer buddy shook his head clearing cobwebs while I mumbled to myself a monologue scratched off ‘Fiddler on the Roof'… “Dear God, You made many, many poor people. I realize, of course, that it's no poor to be shame. But it's no great honor either! So, what would have been so terrible if I had a small fortune…?” In these tropic parts, a 60-degree incline—a whistle-bait gradient in feminine waist tapering to sumptuous thighs-- to tin, tile, or thatch roof assemblage assures neat water run-off. So what’s a septuagenarian doing at the rooftops except acting out a metaphor from the Broadway musical? It’s an earnest try for a firm footing over precarious circumstances while scratching out a lively tune to flout the risks to life a...

I T took about two or three years before the three resident toads in our home garden turned from egg globs to full grown croakers. A pregnant toad mom must have strayed into our home yard one night, hopped into a rainwater-filled Vigan jar there to latch a jelly-like nursery sac replete with eggs on the jar’s rim. Delivery done, she had hopped on to parts unknown, never seeing how her eggs hatched into tadpole-youngsters to swim with several damselfly nymphs and daphnia teeming in that jar… That soft-shelled turtle found at a nearby creek, brought home, and dumped in that jar by my youngest child, that turtle must have gorged and grew fat on the hundreds of hatched tadpoles before crawling out scot-free…thank goodness. Out of less than a dozen tadpoles, three toughed it out hanging on to life. ‘Twas odd that their metamorphosis took 2-3 years. It only took weeks for toad eggs to turn up as fledgling princes-to-be… our resident toads must have taken their time enjoying the security of a...

THE late mathematician and author Isaac Asimov wrote sometime in the 1980s about the growing imbalance between matter and energy in this neck of the universe—so much energy is being turned up as human flesh, breed in abandon and feed upon resources which grow scant through the years. ‘Twas a mind-blowing mode of squaring off with growing population pressure upon the planet’s dwindling resources. A potshot at the quality of people teeming like maggots upon the land’s moribund carcass: fuck and shuck… wipe off the plate, fornicate… fornicate… wipe off the plate… Human activity has spawned global warming which, in turn, has whacked out global timetables in crop production to feed earth’s billions—hey, Thomas Malthus missed out on people fucking up the reality of our planet’s clime that, in turn, screwed up food production. Malthusian fears were limited to people cranking out more and more people until food supplies, renewable and non-renewable resources dwindle to a murderous minimum. So ...

S NAPPING snippets of life with a mobile phone’s built-in camera don’t suit me yet, at a loss I’m still at which buttons to press to grab a moment, transfix an image—pixel-pocked picture—and have it for keeps. The hand’s faster than the eye, uh, even for too many a thigh-- sense of touch, tactile turning to tactics can pack more filling. Much more fulfilling feeling than sight, why, luscious eyefuls can be had hands-on, or maybe trigger a hard-on taking delight in holding rather than beholding, most especially lush geography thrumming smack between thighs, hah, feel it… An entry in the web log mangkokolum.blogspot.com is a full-length drama I’ve adapted from a Japanese folk tale, “The Picture Wife.” My daughter asked me to write it as a Tagalog play for children for showing on a Valentine’s Day. And had it dubbed “ Larawang Kapilas-Puso .” Lewd landlord falls for the portrait of a lovely woman who happens to be the missus of a lowly peasant. Landlord grabs the peasant’s missus and aft...

I T was more than an implement—tough as metal, soft as petal—wielded like lightning to repulse conquerors. Invading Mactan in 1521, Ferdinand Magellan and his men must have thought that their fabled Toledo steel swords would be more than a match more the island’s native defenders—they were dead wrong. The Spaniards never knew what hit them. In the 1900s, American occupation forces in Mindanao particularly in the Sulu islands found themselves under constant harassment from what they called “crazy hermits” or juramentados . The native fighters would fast for days, go through special religious rites, then go forth to storm American garrisons. Even as the .445 caliber pistol was plied out in 1911 to stop seemingly unstoppable fighters, the Americans still never knew what hit them. Looking back with pride at such points in history when their fighting mettle was unleashed in battle, Filipino Muslims, especially the Tausugs of Sulu will, with a little nudge and tug at their patriotic sentimen...

T HE national leader embodies a 6th part of the nation’s people and their karma. Stumbled upon this arcane trivia some years back during an on-and-off rambling through Hindu Vedic lore, uh, vedas = truth and that’s supposedly something to deliver us from evil, now and in the hour of our debt or demise, whatever’s more comfy. Say as the sacred texts affirm, karma = being. So we can take that when a figurehead represents a sizeable fraction of the populace and their karma, that arcane tidbit refers to human beings. And not just the ordinary types, these particular blokes have the national leader’s traits, inclinations, mindset, quicksilver temper and tantrums, maybe idiosyncrasies and propensities, tell-tale facial mole, warts, and all. The leader’s after all the embodiment of these beings, human or otherwise. These beings make up a sixth part of the national head count of 86 million. That’s around 14.167 million. That’s a critical mass of numbers whose archetype, avatar, prime exemplar...

NEVER mind the truculent topography to trample not too thoroughly, the hike-hop-hobble to the Sierra Madre work site just took over three hours. It was past lunch time when we plopped ourselves down on a mat of grass for some easy breathing spell, allow famished stomachs to growl and gripe. Pay no heed to such grumblings. Legs can whine. Soles can whimper. Stretched taut sinew all over one’s body can fret and stew. Stew? Delicious jolt this chewy morsel of a word Ah, meals can be whipped up in a jiffy. A pot of water boils in less than five minutes on mountain tops-- well-boiled, fluffy steaming rice can be had in around 10 minutes. So we rummaged through the tools, provisions, and not-so weighty things we’ve tacked on our backs for the three-day working weekend. We rummaged some more. We set down on the grass every article of consequence we had brought. We looked at ‘em items with serious intent, eyeing each item in earnest. Mattock, kama scythes, bolo, knives, whetstone, pingga or b...

S AWIKAIN ng mga Tagalog ang ipinagpipilitan: kapatid ng bulaan ang kawatan. Baka naman kaugnay ito ng inilalapat sa pangalan ng mga kawatan. Este, kinatawan nga pala sa House of Thieves, oops, House of Representatives, Ito ‘yung tinatawag yatang tahanan ng mga diputado o sa wikang Español, Casa de los Hijo de Putados. Madalas ngang tanggalin ang huling pantig na –dos kasi sobra sa 200 silang nakalublob doon. Lalaspag ng mga P 200 milyon para magkasundong bumuo bawat isang batas na walang balak maipatupad kahit palit-pangalan lang ng kalye o espinita. They’re kindred spirits, not kind , though. Tinatawag kasi sila, Hon . Your honor pa nga ang pasakalye bago sila magtaltalan sa kapulungan. Malakas ang kutob naming ito na ang tinutukoy ng kasabihan naman sa Ingles: There is honor among thieves . Hindi naman kami nagtataka nang dumagsa nitong nakaraang linggo ang mga your honor upang sumagpang ng agahan o almusalsal sa Palasyo sa Pasig . Sumulpot na lang sa mga bali-b...

“D ON’T terrorize me again. Not these days when methane farts off Glorietta and Gloria.” Thus I farted off a few pesos worth of text messages like that after my son sent a P 20 load to my mobile phone. The load expires in 2 days—it takes me more than three weeks to fidget and fiddle a P 30 load off an idled mobile phone that takes after Samuel Butler. “To do great work a man must be very idle and very industrious.” Blame not this sucker for a quote on quietude: “Don’t speak unless you can improve the silence.” Besides, suction slurps louder than words. I don’t have to explain to folks I plied that two-sentence note to that methane buildup stems from corruption and rotten organic discards. If the gas buildup isn’t confined in a structure of sound integrity, lots of gas—and guise like lame excuses and news releases—are issued off. Such bouts of oral flatulence can be nauseous. The guys I sent that message to don’t have to be told in length that suspicions are rife ove...

S HOWBIZ scuttlebutt ejaculated that a sports icon has come across with a tidy sum to pay for the enlargement of his sexy star girlfriend’s elevator button of sorts—the so-called la bella loca or G spot. It was an earnest bid to make such luscious spot more accessible for both of ‘em during sex, or plunking down money where the lower mouth is. The non-surgery involves injection of a specially prepared collagen into the bean-sized Grafenberg spot just behind the pubic bone. It’s smack on the upper anterior wall two inches off the adit to the silken depths. The collagen filler swells the spot to the size of a peso coin. That’s for easier and greater area of penile traction. And that two-bit technical data has fueled tattlers’ wild speculations-- the sports icon’s nether tool may be coming short of over two-inch expectations. The 15-minute operation costs P50,000, a year’s average yield of profits off a hectare of palay . Chicken feed to folks that come with high incomes. A patient need ...

A N epidemic running amok in any of the country’s 19 regions will likely trigger a national calamity. The nation’s health system just can’t cope—we’ll just watch people die like flies. Why, there’s less than one physician attending to every thousand populace. Two nurses have to tend to 1,000— a nurse for every 500 people. There’s less than one midwife seeing to every 2,000 people. Meanwhile, an 8,564-strong nationwide army of dentists can hack out separate niche clientele from a population over 80 million. Here’s a calamity waiting to happen. More likely a doomsday scenario that has begun—a physician all by his lonesome self, wrenching his brains out to see to 1,000 disease-struck patients. A deadly contagion has yet to strike. Who can tell when such a pestilence breaks out? The vulnerability of the Filipino populace is palpable, as obscene as the splayed out legs of a whore on a payday night, open to all takers and every manner of assault. Such pitiable figures on the state of the nat...