MANGKOKOLUM!

NAHALUNGKAT: sa rosarium o halamanan ng rosas pala nag-ugat ang katagang “rosaryo.” Matinik na lunan iyon—hitik sa tinik ang mga tangkay ng bawat humahalimuyak na bulaklak. Sa halip na lumuhod sa paanan ng dambana, sa piling ng mga tinik, tangkay, at talulot nakagawian yatang maghasik ng dasal noong unang panahon. Baka sa ganoon ding sulok ng halamanan makakalkal ang pinagmulan ng isang sinaunang sawikain. “Walang matimtimang birhen sa matiyagang kumain nang kumain nang kumain.” Magugunita tuloy ang mga kakatwang tagpo mula nobelang Como Agua para Chocolate ni Laura Esquivel— sumulak sa sidhi ang libog ng bawat lumantak ng putaheng pugo na may salsa mula talulot ng rosas. Pilit ipinagpag ng isang dilag ang utog—naligo pero nagliyab pati ang paliguan, nadarang sa matinding init na sumingaw sa hubo’t hubad na katawan. Maidadagdag pa ang kuntil-butil ng Doctrine of Signatures mula kay Theoprastus Paracelsus. Saklaw daw ng planetang Venus ang rosas— sakop niyong planeta pati na puson at ...

NAGLIPANA marahil ang mga pusakal barumbado’t walang budhi sa lansangan. Kaya may isa o dalawang pasahero—karaniwang babae, karaniwang nasa dapithapon na ang edad—na may hawak na dusaryo, umuusal ng sandaan yatang pagpupugay Ave Maria. Saka ilang Ama Namin at pahayag ng pananampalataya. Sambungkos na dasal ang alay habang naglalakbay. Pakay ng panalangin habang lulan ng pampublikong sasakyan na makaiwas sa sakuna. Makaligtas sa mga mandurukot, manlalaslas ng bag, mga bangag na naghahanap ng makukursunada. Lalo nang dapat ipag-adya sa mga holdaper. Talagang tigib sa panganib at amba ng trahedya ang biyahe sa araw-araw. Walang katiyakan. Aantig sa paningin ang isa o dalawang may hawak na dusaryo. Kawing-kawing, bungkos-bungkos ang ipapailanlang na dalangin sa hangin. Tila mga butil ng binhi ang taimtim na ihahasik upang sumibol. Siguro’y yumabong kahit paano. Para silang nagpapalipad ng saranggola. May ikid ng pisi, ilalarga na unti-unti—pataas, pataas, pataas. Ibig humalik o ...

‘TWAS your mom Rivs who told me that I’m a godfather to a doctor—and it’s you pursuing medical practice in that land of the not so puissant greenback. After all those 24 birthdays of yours, add two dozen Christmases past—include the token pakimkim sum—I’m neck-deep indebted to you, perdoneme por favor hija mia. Don’t you come home and dun me. I’ll take that as grave threats, my dear, Somebody did proxy for me at your baptism, so I was told. The rite could have gone zany had a priest asked me to renounce Satan, Belial, Mammon, Astaroth, or any of those diabolical oafs who shower temptations galore to every willing and witting sinner. That fairy tale author Oscar Wilde averred ages back, “I can resist everything except temptations.” Believe you me, I might have taken exception to renouncing Mammon, honest. Soy un llano jardinero pero puedo pase muchos dinero. But I’m not about to nudge you to come home to these god-forsaken islands where Mammon reigns supreme and the Ro...

Bye, bye American spy SPIES are usual condiments of life and politics in these god-forsaken islands. Unlike the bulk of readers who poke their snouts into useless trivia and intrigue in show business circles hereabouts, those shadowy figures among us zero in on strategic and tactical information—the sort that can be used to grab key politicos and industry leaders by the balls, that is, if they have any. It is likely the bulk of such gathered information provide American policymakers a voyeur’s glimpse into the workings of our so-called ‘amokcracy’—make that gone amok democracy. Who knows if those shadowy oafs may have helped the ‘Hello Garci’ protagonist to fly the coop? They might have even given an eager hand in kneading the poll tallies and kneading numbers in the air-conditioned comforts of a hotel room to foist a president upon a gullible populace who won’t care if either Darna or a hippopotamus is enthroned in Malacañang. Politically useful information costs a bu...

Run, Garci, run! FLY, Garci, fly. No, we’re not talking about zipping up trousers and pantaloons. Not about a pesky pest that lay eggs on filth or carrion to turn up a wriggle of maggots and such disease as diphtheria. You’ve flown the coop. Why, we define ourselves by what we do. What you did spoke for what you really are—you flew the coop. So you’re chicken—likely with a wishbone for a backbone. We don’t really want you to come home after you took off for parts unknown. These days, we can’t be sure. You may have turned into a carrier of the dreaded avian flu virus. Probably chicken pox, mites, cholera, botulism, blackheads, halitosis, fits of cackling or any odd undiscovered ailment that usually afflicts fowls. Fly, Garci, fly. Please spare us the plague, Garci. We can’t handle any of such risks to the public health and political wellness. You’ve already caused us truckloads of trouble—you and your chat-mate in that infamous “Hello Garci” chit-ch...

Show must go on! THOSE clutch of full-page ads that saw print in several broadsheets before the House of Reps went on vote the other day must have cost a lot of money. It was earnest money to convince us chaos could erupt if Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is ousted. Some pockets must have erupted and there flowed cash—that we know. Money talks and it’s the dough talking through those ads. In that truism we are convinced. The buck stopped there. We wish that some of those bucks went our way, too, we really could use some—these aren’t exactly easy times and we’re looking with grim expressions at the prospects of the expanded value added tax causing some more expansion of our expenditures while adding nothing of value into our lives. The people’s reps need not have wasted precious spittle and man-hours to explain their stand. We can understand any lapse of judgment. We can comprehend how sorry they are at turning up (after a record-setting session) a set of numbers we can’t eve...

HINDI mahikayat ang damuho kong anak na akyatin ang katabing puno rin ng alibangbang ( Bauhinia malabarica ). Para ‘kako makarami agad sa makukuhang talbos— nakatikom pang mga pakpak ng lunting mumunting paru-paro ang anyo. Para agad na makauwi’t maisalang na ang lulutuing ayungin. Sinigang. Talbos-alibangbang ang sangkap na pang-asim. Pakpak-paruparo’t palikpik-isda ang itatanghal na lutuin. Payak man sa tingin, sasagi ang masining na pagsasanib ng magkahiwalay na larawan mula kalikasan—mula himpapawid na palaruan ng paru-paro’t mula lilim sa ilalim ng tubig na ginagalugad ng mga isda. Lutuin na tila hinango mula sa mga likha ni Dutch printmaker Maurits Cornelis Escher—pinagsalit-salit na larawan ng mga isda’t ibon. Parangal iyon sa mga nilalang sa tubig at hangin. Parangal din marahil na yakapin ang puno sa panimula ng akyat. Nabanggit sa anak—si Kukudyu—na tatlong puno lang ang may sigasig mabuhay kahit masibasib pa ng apoy ang kanilang kinatitindigan. Karaniwang silang tatlo...

Making lemonade WE have lemons—a lot of lemons. We can slice them. Squeeze the juice plus pulp out. Stir some sugar into that. Add water— dya-dya-dyaang! – and we have lemonade. Pools and pools and pools of lemonade we can swim, launch ships on, probably buoy up hopes of the 7, 107 islands we live in. And don’t throw the zest off those lemons. The zest— also called rind, peel, skin that has a lot of wonderful smelling oils in it. That can be used to make lemon liqueur called lemoncillo . Making lemoncillo takes a longer time than lemonade. The process is not too complicated. We’re considering a two-bit advice: Stuck up with lemons? Make lemonade. It’s much more potable, palatable than sour grapes and belly-aching. See here. Of every 1,000 elementary school graduates turned up by the public school system, 994 are lemons. The six that are different must be freaks or oddballs. Of every 100 high school graduates, 98 are lemons. The two non-lemons in that pack ought to be m...

THE Oxford Dictionary of English lists an additional 350 new words to demean a person, 10 times more than new well-meaning words to shore up a person’s sense of self-worth. That’s a hardly reassuring state of the tongue. That means for every word that can ennoble or uplift the other, there are 10 newly honed swords for tearing up, trampling upon and grinding another’s esteem into shreds. Maybe, just maybe, it’s much easier to define a human being in degrading or abrasive terms—anything to wear down human worth. Wordsmiths the world over must be probably predisposed to brewing new venom and stockpiling of slurs to bring pain, maim, deface, efface. We hardly exult. We’d rather insult. How did Lewis Carroll phrase it? “Words use us just as we use words.” It’s probably easier to spew out filth and excrement—we must be full of such inside and crave to wallow in it outside. Or do we? Sadly, such surfeit of organic fertilizer has no useful application in growing healthy cash cr...

MAS madaling pasunurin, paikut-ikutin ang asarol. Isinayaw ang damuhong asarol. Indak at sindak ng tango , sayaw na hinalaw pa raw sa mga bahay-parausan at palipas-kalibugan ng Latin Amerika. Kaya sasalatin ang magaspang na puluhang bayog--hindi tumutukoy sa kasariang katugon ng bayag, kawayang sakdal-tigas ang bayog—habang naghihimas ang imahinasyon ng mas angkop na kasayaw. Naisayaw ko yata ng matinong tango ang isang taga-Cavite, si Roda Astilla na muntik na ‘kong ipagbalibagan. Kaysa magtampisaw sa ginaw habang bumubuhos ang ulan, iginuhit na lang sa isip na si Roda ang kasayaw. La Paz tango —romantiko, erotiko. Hindi pipiksi ang balakang kapag napahigpit ang kapit ng kamay alinsunod sa tagubilin ng Yellow Pages—let your fingers do the walking . Hindi rin iilag ang pisngi ng asarol kapag napakiskis sa aking pisngi na kutis palakol. Lalong hindi pipitlag ni papalag kahit saang panig ng katawan mapadpad at mapasawsaw ang indak ng hinaharap. Sa totoo’y mas batikan a...

NEVER mind the truculent topography to trample not too thoroughly, the hike-hop-hobble to the Sierra Madre work site just took over three hours. It was past lunch time when we plopped ourselves down on a mat of grass for some easy breathing spell, allow famished stomachs to growl and gripe. Pay no heed to such grumblings. Legs can whine. Soles can whimper. Stretched taut sinew all over one’s body can fret and stew. Stew? Delicious jolt this chewy morsel of a word Ah, meals can be whipped up in a jiffy. A pot of water boils in less than five minutes on mountain tops-- well-boiled, fluffy steaming rice can be had in around 10 minutes. So we rummaged through the tools, provisions, and not-so weighty things we’ve tacked on our backs for the three-day working weekend. We rummaged some more. We set down on the grass every article of consequence we had brought. We looked at ‘em items with serious intent, eyeing each item in earnest. Mattock, kama scythes, bolo, knives, whe...

IT was 2 in the afternoon. It didn’t take much trouble explaining to then-toddler Kukudyu that I had to leave him for a few hours in that hospital ward he shared with five other dengue-stricken patients. A week earlier, two dengue-stricken kids brought to the same hospital ran out of luck. They succumbed. Kukudyu would be left to whatever mercies strangers could offer—an indifferent glance from the parents of the kid on the sick bed near his, probably a token question how he feels with a bag of blood platelets trickling into him through a needle. It’s mostly a tug at his quiet endurance, maybe that tough tendril of courage in his unflinching arms. He’d be alone for a few hours to fend off stares and prying questions of the curious. About 15 minutes past 5 p.m., his mother would come from work and be assuredly at his side. In succession, three of our four kids got dengue—and the hemorrhagic fever that can bleed the child to death. Thank God only our pockets and savings were b...

THERE are now 350 ways to insult someone, 10 times more than new expressions meant to shore up a person’s sense of self-worth. Some 50 new words turned up for good-looking women, a mere 20 for men. The new words were listed for the first time in the latest edition of the Oxford Dictionary of English, tabbed as the definitive record of the English language. As the London-based Reuters have it, among the new entries are “potty-mouthed” (using or characterized by bad language), “lush” (for very good) and “scophophilia” or sexual pleasure derived mainly from watching others when they are naked or engaged in sexual activity. The news agency added that many of the new words are formed by mixing two others together. Say, charity and mugger makes “chugger” or someone who approaches passers-by in the street to ask for donations for charity. It is unlikely we’ll be hearing any of those new English words plied out in formal speech, treatise, or daily usage—broadcast media do casual bu...

Tic-tac-toe THOSE jueteng witnesses who turned back on their words are an amusing lot—quite entertaining, too. It must have occurred to them that their “testimony” is probably derived from the words “testes” and “money.” Assert out testes on the gavel block—ages back, a witness didn’t place his hand on a stack of Bibles but held the family jewels and swore upon future offspring of his to carry on the weight of shining truth or peddled pack of lies. Indeed, it’s the sons and daughters yet to be born that will bear the onus of parental lies, or will be beaconed in their paths by the brilliance of truth their forebears upheld. But then peddled lies don’t fetch piddling sums. Definitely not when yarns can affect positions of power, prestige, and perks imperiled by truth. In a sudden twist, the testes can be conveniently dropped and thereby solve pesky problems—mostly liquidity. Testes need not be bashed when it turns to cash. Drop testes in testimony. Take the money—and r...

LETme share this shaman's knowledge, my dear. Divide 360 (days) by 9 (personal cycles in a year). You get 40 days/cycle in which much can be done. The surplus 5 days in the 365-day/year period is added to the ninth cycle, which ought to be a rest/meditation/internal repair period-- not too much physical, emotional and mental exertions at this stage or you wear yourself out. Smack on one's birthday, the first of the nine cycles begin, there's a surge of inner reserves that ought to be sustained. I'm saving that upsurge to write a novel, my gift to myself-- for being alive. The 45 days before a person's birth anniversary comprise that 9th cycle. I'm now in that cycle of rest and meditation-- but I must still do editing work for the online edition of Journal newspapers. So at the close of each day during this period, tiredness really gets me. The missus who's four years younger than I am, she was born July 30-- inuubo, medyo run-down ang pakiramdam....

AT P35 per one-kilogram bag, it was dirt-cheap and seemed out of place in the glass showcase at the foyer of a restaurant in a posh Tagaytay hotel overlooking Taal Lake. The product was tabbed a fancy name—vermicompost. It’s the technical term for leavings or castings of earthworms that chew through filth and decay to turn up decent soil. Make that fully enriched soil fit to raise plant crops in. I’d like to think it is soil with soul in it. An enterprising keeper of earthworms must be selling in bulk those worm castings in bags, probably eyeing the moneyed and well-heeled matrons who tend gardens in well-appointed homes. “Earthworm castings have often been called 'nature's perfect plant food'. Odorless, coffee grounds-like particles are capable of long-term feeding of plants while adding moisture retention properties to garden soil as well as humus, enzymes, and beneficial bacteria, “ so rhapsodizes the leaflet tacked onto the product bag. That reminds me: enterprising med...

ALLOW me to share reality temblors rumbling through the Journal Group website http://www.journal.com.ph. Netizens -- that's for citizens of the World Wide Web -- are getting fed up with PBA: it shows in the number of page views notched to keep tabs on dwindling numbers that still stew through on Pinoy basketball. It likely turns out they don't love this ho-hum game. Maybe that's a basket case turning into casket case. As the growing number of page views on sports staples show, Internet surfing readers are growing keener on games where Pinoys are world-class. Say, billiards, boxing, chess, why, even tennis. Not exactly in that order. It's also likely that basketball fanatics would just log on to the NBA or PBA website for their fix. Netizens aren't hung up on the mix-up blood and gore stories culled off metropolitan or provincial police and military blotters. More page views turn up on news stories in which culprits are getting caught, felons getting th...

TELEVISION is heavily tattooed with shampoo commercials—why, the idiot box is all slathered up and virtually oozing with shampoo suds. The market for hair care preparations must be lucratively huge. Or most people in these islands have gone bonkers over their hair, so hair care has become a national obsession. Never mind what’s under the scalp and skull, hair care is the order of the day. Say, beer suds also does wonders for hair setting but San Miguel Corp. won’t advertise it as such. Now, the rind of kabuyaw —the so-called kaffir lime or Citrus hystrix – can lend a silky sheen plus a delicate sweetish scent to a maiden’s midnight tresses. Kabuyaw is now quite difficult to find—a seed-grown 6-inch tall sapling cost us P150 and it took months hopping from one garden show to another before we actually got one. So, it will take 2-3 years before such pathetic sapling finally grows into a decent size and starts yielding the genuine article that tops every shampoo preparation cur...