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Bigas?


JENNIFER Lopez na may katikim-takam na hugis ng tumbong—‘yan ang maiisip kapag naungkat ang big ass.

Idagdag na rin—Charice Pempengco. Scuttlebutt has it-- or I must have misheard totally since I’m a Def Leppard fan—she was having some buttocks injected into her face. Why the most tempting portion of Jennifer Lopez’s anatomy has to be plunked onto her face, such facial reconstruction left me aghast, ah, farting is such sweet sorrow…

Paurong na talaga ang takbo ng, uh, thoughts… on beauty as its own lame excuse for being—we’re not going forward, all such vain attempts at beautification can only point to sodomy… even accountants and auditors don’t have in their word stockpile anything about rear entries.

O tempura, o mores! (Yeah, faces back then could launch a thousand ships and paper boats that can sail up to the Palace by the Pasig, butt are now dredged with shrimps. We’ve become the butt of jokes.)

Sumisingaw pa sa mga balita na, talagang kahindik-hindik, nabubulok lang daw ang big ass! Infested with weevils and indescribable sort of evils… this sphincter asphyxiating portion has been brought to you in part by the medication that shrinks hemorrhoids without surgery, pwe-he-he-he-he!

If memory serves, it was someone named Salsalselda—hey, I’m a Def Leppard fan!—who kept track on the surge in rice futures trading at the hellish heights of the past year’s El Niño phenomenon… hey, futures trading is sheer guesswork on outcomes of crop yields; speculators out for fat profits hurl bids for such future harvests, and in turn, make or break crop prices.

Sure, such speculators are out to make a killing as they feed nightmares of rice importers, to nudge ‘em into panic buying. And rice futures prices was at an all-time high… stoked by fears of global crop failures and consequent grain shortages owing to El Niño’s onslaught.

With something like 90 million people to feed in 2009 polishing off 33,000 metric tons of rice per day, rice-growing Philippines buys overseas more than 10% of its rice requirement. So who was it that pushed the panic buying button?

To the injury, add the insult of a food importation policy in lieu of self-sufficiency to attain food security.

Nagpapamudmod naman ng bigas sa mga batang nag-aaral ang nakaraang administrasyon—abot nga sa P3 bilyon taun-taon ang gastos sa food-for-school program para ibsan ang gutom ng mga pamilyang kulang sa P50 ang pantustos sa pagkain araw-araw. Pero tinatalbusan pa rin ang P3 bilyon, mwa-ha-ha-haw!

T-teka, kung saan-saang tigmak na bukirin tuloy napunta ‘tong usapan ukol sa tambok ng tumbong ni Jennifer Lopez—na kahit bukirin o buka rin, talagang pagnanasaang araruhin.

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