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Pambansang ahit ng pilipitna

WITH due apologies to “Journey” front man’s thorax-throttling oral evisceration of our frog, flog, ehek, flag anthem, allow a kiddie doggerel version—please, please, please—to be squawked… no, make that croaked out sphincter soprano style; four beats in a measure with every quarter note getting dead beat—or 4/4, an out and out mismatch… march!


That, before the bout of one Jostle Clittey and Pacquiao you… until such a stabbing in-and-out beat ends in orgasm, yeah, flagpole plugs hole, mwa-ha-ha-haw!


So follows our more spirited— got in me 80-proof marka demonyo plus Ginebra Capitan —or what can be passed… no, make that pissed off as “Green-tinted ‘60s Mine” which is called Mr. Big…


(Ilagay ang kanang kamay sa dibdib… oops, akala ko kasi sa dibdib nitong katabing 40-24-36 na dilag… eh, bakit nakadakot ‘yang kamay mo sa harapan ko, you myopicpic beauty… Game knb? Tayo nang kuman… heh, bastos talaga kayo, mga hin… Preparan… Apunten… Fuego!)


Bayang inutang. ‘Di pa nababayaran. Bakit nangutang? Kinurakot lang.


Lupang hinarang, dayaan din sa counting. Sa “Hello Garci” ‘di ka mapipigil.


Sa dagat at bundok na kinalbo’t nilimas ng salot.


Nanood ang bobo sa Channel Two, sa Siete at Singko.


Ang kislap nang kislap mga flash bulbs—tinakpan ng Sunblock.


Stars daw at alalay sa kamera’y nagpapakamatay.


Sumpa ng araw—El Niño phenomenon! May climate change sa mundo ngayon…


Kung ang ligaya ay laging paaapi… ang mamatay ay kayo na lang!


Kung naikakahol ng Pambansang Kamao—ba’t walang Pambansang Kuko o Pambansang Mariang Palad?—ang mga karumal-dumal na tabas ng ahit ng isang Barberya ni Lito Anokamo sa Fairview, tiyak na kakayanin niyang ialulong ang Pambansang Awit… tipid pa sa pasahe sa eroplano sa aatasang kumanta.


Such a fight prelude can be construed as a novelty… no, I wouldn’t dare endorsing the late scenarist-auteur-pianist par excellence Ading Fernando to do the honors.


Pero kung gusto talagang gumastos lang at kailangan ng matinong rendisyon, maraming mahahagilap na marching band sa Malabon at Nueva Ecija… para sambarangay ang tutugtog, wala nang kanta, sa piyesa… walang magkakalat, at marami pa ang magiging masaya dahil may pagkakataon pa ang iba na mag-TNT.


T-teka muna… bawat henerasyon ay may gagawing pambabalbal sa pambansang awit. Nauna ko ngang natutunan ang mga balbal na titik nito sa aking kamusmusan noong dekada 1960… wala akong maulinig na anumang pagtatangka ng mga musmos sa kasalukuyang henerasyon na maglapat ng tagni-tagni't pinagtugma-tugmang taludtod…


And that’s so piteous a stab at musical non-creativity.


Please excuse me… got to listen to the Beatles’ “Yellow Submarine”— their counterpoint theme to “God Save the Queen.”

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