MANGKOKOLUM!

TO KEEP his ward focused for an all-out battle with the world’s fifth-ranked best pound-for-pound fighter, trainer Freddie Roach shooed away hangers-on, kibbitzers, fence-sitters, and fans from the Wild Card Gym in Los Angeles, California. Roach was stacking up fresh artillery and ammunition for Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao. Pacquiao had to be whipped in meanest fighting form— and pesky fans often swarm all over their idol. Roach had had enough of such lavish adoration for his top prize fighter. Say, none of those fans would take an ‘El Terrible’ punch for Pacquiao who can be generous with authographs and instant grins for photo sessions with an unending banana queue of fans. Tending to fans can take time, rob a fighter’s precious time that can be spent in earnest preparation for a slambang slug-out. Pacman delivered. It took 10 rounds to finish off a Mexican legend. The nasty job left Pacman’s fists swollen, his face a bit rearranged in some places, his torso somewhat banged up. He gets a

IN his final radio broadcast, the late Eleazar S. Lopez cited that of the six trillion peso-debt grinding the nation’s back to shreds, two trillion were incurred from Manuel L. Quezon to Joseph E. Estrada’s tenure—and the Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo administration turned up a scrotal crusher P4 trillion. Such sum must have prompted a Malacañang minion to plead to a gathering of public relations experts, “save GMA!” Such sound bite could have been plied to breadwinners throughout the country as a request to save P200 bills. That’s where a GMA portrait is shown as she is sworn in. A kid holds a Bible on which GMA has placed her palm—that kid ought to have carried a stack of Bibles to get the rite done right. Recent reports have it that kid has turned rueful about her part in that ceremoney. Yeah, ceremoney. We really could use a lot of P200 bills. P200 lately amounts to two orders of beef mami and softdrink plus extra bowl of broth at R. Ma Mon Luk in Quiapo. Break no fast and suffer, a P20

TATALAKAYIN daw sa binuong council of state —hayan tiyak na walang kokontra sa pagbaybay na hindi ginamitan ng Das Kapital letters para hindi masabing may kulay na pasaway – ang hilahod na kalagayan ng bansa. Pananaw ng mga nakaluklok sa Malakanyang at samut-saring kabig nito ang inaasahang lulutang sa naturang kapulungan. Sampisa lang o birds of a feather kasi sila. Iisa ang kulay, pagaspas at tabas ng pakpek, este, pekpak. Magkakatulad din ng paraan sa paglipad at salipadpad. Ni hindi nahirang na salimpusa ang, halimbawa lang, si Mang Pandoy na itinampok sa panahon ni Tabako. O ang mga batang nagpatianod ng mga bangkang papel na nakarating hanggang sa pampang ng Malakanyang. O kahit si Honest Tinay, Jojo Acuin, Madam Auring, Madam Bola, Enteng Kabisote pati si Darna’t Captain Barbell, Archbishop Oscar Cruz, Eli Soriano, Sex Bomb Dancers, Kitchie Nadal. Skip any Iron Chef or my huge crush Heny Sison but include that great gastronome Dr. Hannibal “The Cannibal” Lecter— he may cook a s

MAAPOY daw ang taglay na life force (ito yata ang tinatawag na ki, chi o prana ) ng mga binhi ng halaman. Teka, karaniwang tawag sa binhi ay buto—sinubukan minsang magtanim ng mga buto ng baka. Katwiran nga’y buto rin naman ang tawag sa tadyang at mga kauring bahagi ng baka na mayaman sa collagen, calcium phosphate, at calcium carbonate . Ni walang umusbong na turet o guya mula sa kakatwang pagsubok. Walang sumulpot na bone-inlaid furniture . Hindi na nangahas na ulitin ang ganoong pagtatanim. Kasi’y kapag hindi na naitatanim ang buto, tiyak na may erectile dysfunction . Talagang hindi na inulit ang ganoong pagtatanim. Kahit pa may sawikaing hitik sa aral: “Kapag nagpunla ng hangin, utot ang aanihin.” Kahit pa may sinaunang kuwento ukol sa mga ngipin ng dragon—- u-tooth din yata-- na ibinaon sa lupa nina Cadmus at Jason. Kutob lang na baka ‘yung sa anga-anga o Draco rizali na naipangalan kay Dr. Jose Rizal na nakatukoy nito. Rizal’s dragon . Naipunla sa lupa. Umusbong mula sa lupa ang

‘TWAS CRUEL as smashing a budding green thumb: some years back, an abuela warned me about letting any clump of katigbi (Job’s tears or Coix lachrymal jobi for you botanists) from growing in our homeyard. That grass with rapier-like leaves that smelled of freshly pounded pinipig supposedly invited bad luck and sorrows—why, that biblical character Job wailed and howled a lot, didn’t he? (But was later rewarded with oodles of goodies, wasn’t he?) Then, I came across some arcane text that practically goaded folks to grow katigbi in their gardens—why, there’s a starchy kernel wrapped shut in the seed’s shiny coat. A handful or more of kernels could be cooked as porridge. Too, one could whisper a wish upon seven seed pods, throw ‘em pods in running water—a river or stream—and the wish would be granted! I was warned, too, about planting kapok or talisay trees right in the homeyard—these trees form a cross-like branching pattern. Pasang-krus daw ang bahay na kalapit sa puno ng kapok, tal

LAMPAS alas dos ng madaling-araw. Isang panig ng lungsod Davao. May muulinig nang alingawngaw-tilaok ng mga tandang sa kalayuan. Nadagdag ang biglang bulabog-tunog ng telepono sa tinutuluyang silid ng mumurahing hotel. Napaigtad. Umilandang sa bintana ang namumuo nang mga damsak na panaginip. Soaking wet dreams gone dry instantly . Kawani sa hotel front desk ang tumawag. Panauhin ko raw. Kaibigan daw. Matalik daw na kaibigan-- dinig ko’y “katalik na maibigan.” Sa alanganing oras? Sobra namang masugid sa pagdalaw ang ganyang panauhin. Nakasalalak sa silangan ang buntalang Venus pero ni hindi pa nga sumisilip ang bukang liwayway—heto’t gusto na agad ibukaka ng lin—ano bang abala--tek na… Panauhin ko raw. ‘Kako’y papanhikin. Patuluyin na lang sa aking silid. Sinabing hubo-tabo ako kung matulog. Saka hilo pa’ng ulo ko sa tama ng toma. Tinatamad na magbihis pa, o magtapi ng kahit tuwalya’t bababa sa front desk para lang alamin kung sinuman iyong kaibigang matalik o maibigang katalik, what